Help: to give is sometimes easier than to receive…

Later today I have a coffee date with the producer of the show I’m in right now.  This is a last resort, a desperate attempt at salvaging some shred of professionalism in this production.  I’ve tried other avenues to no avail.  And so, here I am, preparing for a mid-morning Starbucks tête-a-tête...because it’s what I feel I have to do.

There comes a point in any production that’s headed south where you have a choice to make.  Either you wash your hands of it, whether that means walking away or staying without caring what becomes of it, or you figure out how to set your anger and your ego aside and do everything you possibly can to make the production a success.  I have chosen the latter.  Because I don’t believe in quitting.  And I don’t believe in doing things half-assedly, if you will.

More than any other reason, though, I have chosen to take charge and to be proactive out of respect to my fellow actors.  We have endured enough as a company, between the unforeseeable setbacks and the mishandling of the various minutiae of this production.  And we’ve stuck it out.  Because we made a commitment.  And all of our patience and work and perseverance deserves a degree of respect. 

This is what I feel we are currently lacking. 

And I know I said I wasn’t going to write about this show while it was still happening.  I’m sort of reneging on that now, but I’m doing it with the best intentions.  Which seems to be my motto this past week.  And I realize it is with these that the road to hell is paved, but good intentions are better than none whatsoever.

We had our first on site rehearsal this past weekend.  Aside from the fact that it was a holiday weekend and we were rehearsing, I want to point out that it was outside.  In early April.  In Toronto. In a week where it snowed at one point.  So, while the sun was shining, the wind was also gusting, and we were freezing.  In a six hour day, we took one ten minute bathroom break and we were given a twenty minute lunch break.  Since we were in the middle of nowhere, it took twenty minutes just to walk to and from the location of food and warmth.  We inadvertently doubled the length of the lunch break.  The director was very upset.  Some of her reasons for being upset were valid—we should have been back on time or called or pointed out before we left that it wasn’t a long enough break.  But this wasn’t done maliciously.  We literally did not think of it.  Some of her reasons were accidental on our part—everyone turned their ringers off for rehearsal and thus we did not receive her phone calls telling us to come back.  And some of it was also her fault.  She was not looking out for our health and safety on a very long, very cold, very windy day.

I think her oversight is the result of having taken far too much on.  She is directing the play.  Now she is acting a large role in the play (which is another story entirely).  Additionally, she is our weekend stage manager as our actual SM, who has been with us for about a week now, has prior commitments on the weekends.  And these are just her responsibilities in the context of the play.  I know nothing of her life outside of it.   This is too much.  For anyone.  Let alone for someone who is young and relatively inexperienced.  She is, in my opinion, in over her head.

But she won’t ask for help.

So I am trying to offer help both to her and to the cast in as supportive and non-threatening a way as is possible.  Whether this means following the script for lines, being a sounding board for people’s concerns, helping to work technical issues in our rehearsals, or just having a few good jokes at the bar afterwards, I’ve done it all this past week.  And I don’t need credit and I don’t need glory, all I ask is that you accept the help that’s being offered.  The cast has, and with a sigh of relief.  The director has not.

It is this unwillingness on her behalf that has caused me to go over her head.  Although I hate to put it that way because that wasn’t my intention.  But she won’t listen/work/acknowledge me in this respect and the reality of the situation is that outside eyes are necessary.  Someone has to help alleviate some of the pressure she’s put on herself.  I’ve tried.  But I can’t force her.  He can.

And I don’t mean to tattle or anything so juvenile, but she is harming the production and I’m concerned for her, for my fellow actors, and for myself.  We have another outdoor six hour rehearsal scheduled for this week.  The weather forecast is similar to the day of the previous rehearsal.  She has asked us to bring lunches so we don’t have to go inside at all as she feels it is a waste of rehearsal time.  I feel this is unhealthy and unsafe.  I expressed my concerns to her in a very polite, professional, and non-confrontational email (I know it was all of those things because I re-read it 6 million times to be sure it was before I hit send).  I suggested we go inside and do an Italian.  This way we have the opportunity to warm up while not wasting rehearsal time.  I felt like this was a reasonable solution that all parties could live with.  I got no response.  Not even an acknowledgement of the fact that I had concerns.

So I picked up my phone.

Because sometimes everyone needs to set aside their egos and their need to do it all (and I, too, have that ego and that need) in service of the play.  Because we are here, after all, in service of the play.  And, by extension, the audience.  Otherwise, what’s the point?

My purpose, as it were, in posting this isn’t to complain or to place blame.  It’s to point out that we all need help from time to time.  And that there is no shame in accepting it when it’s offered.  And no matter what your role in a production, you should always take ownership.  Especially when there is an issue that seems to be going unresolved.  If you see something that needs to be done, do it (of course, as respectfully as possible).  Take charge, be proactive, because chances are someone will thank you for it later.