Audition monologues are basically the devil.

I submitted for a whole bunch of general auditions this past week and went home last night with this total sense of accomplishment. I was all gung-ho and totally excited about being so pro-active (because it really is harder to send in a headshot and resume than one might think...I was actually so wishy washy about one of them that I waited until the absolute last moment and had to have it couriered...ridiculous. But I digress). Until I realized that submitting is one thing, but if I actually get an audition, I am beyond screwed. Why is that? Because most general auditions require an audition monologue, no reading sides, and...

Audition monologues are the devil.

I am one of those rare actors that would so much rather read sides, cold read, do anything that is not an audition monologue. Here is why:

1) Audition monologues psych you out because they feel like a performance.
There is a whole performance mentality that comes into play when you get into audition monologues. It's something you have (supposedly) prepared and it's very difficult to go into it without thinking of it as a performance. Because what is it really? It's not a performance but you would gather that whoever is conducting the audition is expecting to see something more polished than if you were to walk in and pick up sides...For many people, myself included, this is crippling. It takes away from the idea that auditions are supposed to be (at least a little bit) fun and that they're about playing, exploring, taking direction, etc. and not about being perfect.

2) Picking an audition monologue is like trying to decide you'd rather be stabbed or shot while someone is standing over you with a knife and a 9 mm.
Finding the right audition monologue is unique to every audition because you want whoever is casting to see you in a particular role. I was told at drama school to treat casting directors like they're idiots and spell it out for them. Now, not all of them are idiots, but I did have one tell me once that based on my headshot, in which I am wearing a scarf, he wasn't sure whether or not I had a neck. I didn't ask what exactly he thought my head might be attached to if not a neck? The point is, even if they're not idiots, it is beneficial to you if you can help them. Which is why picking a good monologue is a key part of getting the part. And why you may frequently find yourself crying on the floor of your bathroom with a million Samuel French scripts scattered about you... Let's just say, it can be ugly. And "contemporary contrasting monologues?" Don't even get me started.

3) Cold reads are just a better way of assessing your skills as an actor (which may be why so many actors despise them--it's harder to hide).
Now, in reality, the best way may be to use both the cold read and the monologue. But if we're saying you have to choose between one or the other, the cold read is the better choice, in my opinion. They allow you to be more open and to make strong choices, "strong but wrong" is more acceptable in this environment, given that you don't know the material as well. In monologues, many of us tend to play it safe...Also, cold reads feel like acting class, a little bit dangerous, mostly supportive, and always creative. You discover things as you're doing it, which may just be what you need to illuminate your brilliance as an actor, in a way that is much more difficult to do with a monologue. From a casting standpoint, I would think it would be easier to assess whether or not someone is right for a particular role, how they work, what they might bring to the table in terms of creativity, and whether or not they can take direction.

There is obviously a certain bias to my statement that audition monologues are not, indeed, where it's at, but I really do believe that there are many good arguments against them.

Of course, that doesn't eliminate them.

So, if I am fortunate enough to score an audition or two out of my recent submissions, I guess I'm going to have to figure it out. I have an old favourite that is sort of appropriate (it's maybe a little old for me). I have never been good at finding audition monologues. So if anyone knows of any good resources, I would love if you passed them on to me! And I would certainly share them because I'm sure I'm not the only one with this frustration...